4.1 “Clingy” children
The clingy child has been cared for by an inconsistent parent or carer who is not reliable in their care of the child. If the parent is sometimes attentive to the child, but at other times is preoccupied and ignores the child’s needs, the child becomes anxious and increasingly clingy.
The disrupted cycle of attachment for clingy children
The above diagram shows how a child could become clingy should his or her needs not be met reliably.
The child cannot predict when she or he will be responded to with positive attention and comfort or when they will be ignored. The child can feel powerless and not good enough to have the parent’s attention and so feels unworthy of love. The child has no expectations of parents being reliable and cannot trust that their care needs will be met.
The child can become more demanding in an attempt to gain their parent’s attention and is often described as “attention seeking”. This preoccupation can prevent a child from relaxing and engaging in play and learning. This attention-seeking behaviour is often counterproductive as adults become irritated by this behaviour and withdraw attention in an effort to encourage more independent behaviour in the child. A more helpful way of understanding this behaviour is to see it as “attention-needing” - the child is trying to attract a parent’s attention all of the time because they cannot predict when they will receive comfort or care.